Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Day 261: The Turtles Are the Expendables

A few nights ago my wife and I watched The Expendables. I know, we're behind the times. We just missed it when it was in theaters, but we have a good friend who is especially fond of these kinds of over-the-top explosion fests and she let us borrow it yesterday. I have to say I really liked it, even though Stallone's face is kind of a like a creepy doll's, like they got a wax statue of Stallone to stand in for him in the movie. I only know that's not the case because all those explosions would have melted a wax statue. I especially liked when Terry Crews and Stallone Wonder Twinned the shit out of the helicopter at the end and by becoming form of a missile launcher and shape of a person shooting at a loose warhead respectively (I apologize for that terrible analogy). Even better than all the explosions and bullets is the fact that Jason Stathem is in 90% of the film.

I have to admit something. I have a bit of a man-crush on Jason Statham because he is awesome, and that's just a fact. He is a bad ass in 90% of his roles. His film jobs have undoubtedly provided him with lots of amazing skills like stunt driving and fighting techniques, plus he's got an English accent, and not a proper soft-sounding accent, a real kick-your-ass, soccer hooligan type accent. Did you know he used to be a black market salesman (details are sketchy on this. I assume it means he sold like fake watches and purses, but you never know, it could've been guns)? Did you know he was a world class diver on Britain's National Diving Squad? Did you know he does most of his own stunts because he's a real life bad ass and has a background in mixed martial arts? Did you know he's been in three separate films where his character's been attacked with an axe? Well now you know. Jason Statham: awesomest guy I wish I knew.

Everyone go out and watch three Jason Statham movies right now and you'll be inspired, and be granted the skills, to hunt down an evil drug lord or gang leader and throw a knife right into their face.

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