Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Day 33: Raphael Gives Blood

Today I gave blood. I've done this every 8 weeks at my work for the last two and a half years or so. I don't particularly enjoy the experience and I don't do it because I have a giant ego and want to feel good about myself for being so selfless. No, mostly I do it because it's a guaranteed 30-45 minute break from work complete with complementary snacks. I'd like to think that if my company stopped doing blood drives every eighth Tuesday I would take myself down to a clinic and donate on my own time, but I'm not ready to swear to that just yet.

My experience today was especially fun because I had a trainee sticking me. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against trainees. Everyone has to start somewhere. But today I learned what it feels like when someone can't find your vein and has to move the needle around in your arm. *Spoiler alert!* It's not pleasant. I'm a little worried that I'm going to have a massive bruise there tomorrow, but to be perfectly frank I don't really care. What I do care about is the bandage. They had several color wraps, but the lady fixing me up didn't even ask what color I wanted! I prefer purple because having a purple medical wrap around my elbow puts me just a little bit closer to being Donatello. Blue wold have been my second choice, but no, she just slapped a red one on me like it was no big deal, like it didn't even matter!

Well, that informed my decision of who I was going to put in the chair for today's drawing. I don't hate the red bandage and I actually do like Raphael, it's just that he's not my first choice, you know? At least Don's in there as the doctor. I figure out of all of them he's the most likely candidate for a medical license.

Did you know that Ninja Turtle blood is only good for two things? Number one: replenishing lost blood in another Ninja Turtle, and number two: inducing a beserker-like rage when ingested by dwarves. Don't believe me? Try it next time you find a vial of Ninja Turtle blood in your D&D campaign.

While doing some research for this post I learned some other interesting things about human blood types.
  • Type A+ is the blood type most sought after by alien abduction groups. If you have type A+ blood you are 3% more likely to be abducted by an alien (human or extraterrestrial).
  • Type A- (my type) is prominent in powerful wizards. Though people with other blood types may also be wizards, those with type A- display an average of 30% more magical power when compared to wizards of other blood types using similar spells.
  • Type B+ is less dense than other blood types making it more buoyant. If you have type B+ blood it's like having +5 to your swimming skill.
  • Type B- is sought after above all other types by vampires. If you have type B- blood you are 45% more likely to be attacked by a vampire, 55% if you work nights and 85% if you live in Eastern Europe. If you have type B- blood and you work nights anywhere in Eastern Europe it's more likely that you are a vampire than not.
  • Type AB+ is the closest thing to elf blood human beings can have. It's believed by many prominent scientists that the AB+ blood type is only found in people with some elfin ancestry.
  • Type AB- is resistant to Lycanthropy. People with type AB- blood are 13% less likely to turn into a werewolf if bitten by one according to recent studies.
  • Type O+ is commonly found in people with a genetic predisposition to write fan fiction. Even if the desire is never expressed it is still likely hidden deep within the heart and soul of a person with Type O+ blood.
  • Type O- is genetically linked to Solanum, the "zombie virus." In 100% of the recorded zombie outbreaks "patient zero" had type O- blood. It hasn't been established what the extent of the link is yet, but if you have type O- blood you may well be the epicenter of the next outbreak.
I hope I've enlightened you with my bit of trivia. So do your part to keep America safe from vampire attacks, go out and donate blood willingly so they don't have to come and take it, especially if you're type B-.


    1. I believe the link would be because our O- blood is the universal donor blood type so it can be spread to the largest range of people. It is also the rarest blood type. And if that wasn't enough, my personal blood is even more rare because of some immunity's I either did or did not receive as a kid, I can donate to infants. Which makes my blood, the platinum of blood.

    2. Sorry, AB- is the most rare type at about 0.45% of the population according to wikipedia. O- clocks in at 5th most common with 4.33%.

    3. I don't have a hidden desire to write fan fiction!! Unless it had to do with Marty McFly or Jack Dawson... **sighs dreamily**

    4. OMG! I can't read past the "can't find the veins" part. Am gonna be sick. I almost convinced myself to donate again, not now.

    5. Oh Emily ... you're only kidding yourself. <3

      Is there a nice bruise today, Wes?

    6. Amazingly no, my arm is fine and I never bruised. Lucky me I guess.

    7. Are you saying that I'm part elf...I have AB+ blood and I've only ever donated blood once...because only 3 in 100 can use it. Which is funny because AB+ can take all other blood types, wait...am I elfin or vampiric? Now I'm just confused thanks Wes.

      1. Good question. I--or I should say science--is saying you likely have some elfin ancestry.

        As to being a vampire, no, accepting other types doesn't make you a vampire. Your blood type will verbally abuse and physically break down the other types to bend it to its will, effectively turning the other blood into type AB+. Because it's elfish in origin it is particularly good at this and that is why you can receive more types of blood than other blood types can.

        Unless you mean you go out at night and kill people for their blood, then yes, you may be a vampire.

      2. accepted elfin ancestry...
        bend other blood types to it's will, wait, now I feel like a water bender when the moon is full. I'm ok with either elfin or water bending ancestry.