Monday, August 29, 2011

Day 53: The Ninja Turtles Meet Dr. Who

Let me start off this post by saying I have never seen an episode of Dr. Who. I have some friends who really love Dr. Who and have been trying to convince me and the Mrs. to watch it for a while. I have nothing against Dr. Who and am actually quite interested in watching the series, especially since it's on Netflix streaming now, but I haven't made the time to do it yet.

Apparently a new season (or half-season or something) just started over here in America so I thought, "I wonder what a TMNT/Dr. Who crossover would be like?" Well, since I know a lot about the Ninja Turtles and I know several things about Dr. Who from talking to friends and following nerds on twitter I feel that I am adequately well informed enough to write just such a crossover. Are you ready? I think you are.

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INT. NINJA TURTLE SEWER LAIR - DAY... OR NIGHT.
IT DOESN'T MATTER, THYE'RE UNDERGROUND. LET'S SAY NIGHT.

The TURTLES sit around their table eating a pizza covered in gross toppings. MICHELANGELO is telling a story.

MICHELANGELO
So then this dude says to me, "Hey! What are you doing? That's not a tuba! That's my mother!"

All the TURTLES laugh.

RAPHAEL
Wow. How embarrassing for that guy, huh?

MICHELANGELO
And his mom!

Suddenly a bright flash blinds the turtles and there is a loud crack as the space-time continuum is split, probably.

DONATELLO
Woah! What was that?

The TURTLES notice a blue phone booth or Police Box depending on who you ask standing in the middle of the room.

MICHELANGELO
Umm... guys, did someone redecorate and forget to tell me?

LEONARDO
What is that thing?

The Police Box opens and out jumps DR. WHO and his CUTE RED-HEADED COMPANION!

DR. WHO
Oi! What's this place, then?

CUTE RED-HEADED COMPANION
(holding her nose)
I'm not sure, but it doesn't smell very good does it?

RAPHAEL
Excuse me? This is our home, lady.

DR. WHO
Oh, hello! Didn't see you there. Would you mind telling us where we are? Our time circuits seem to have malfunctioned and sent us to a random point in space/time.

MICHELANGELO
You're in New York. In our home in the sewer.

DONATELLO
Time circuits? Space/time? What are you talking about? Who are you?

DR. WHO
(extending his hand)
Right, sorry. My name is Dr. Who. I'm an alien and I travel through time in the T.A.R.D.I.S. with attractive but strictly platonic companions. We go to various points in the time stream and muck about with events as I see fit.

DONATELLO
Umm... OK. So... why?

DR. WHO
Because I can! What better reason do you need?

LEONARDO
But can't that mess up the time line, or something?

DR. WHO
Meh. Probably. Who cares? I can just jump to any time and place I want so I don't really see how this affects me.

RAPHAEL
You're kind of a jerk.

CUTE RED-HEADED COMPANION nods in agreement.

DONATELLO
What did you call that thing?

DR. WHO
The T.A.R.D.I.S. It stands for Totally Awesome Receptacle for Doing Insane Stuff.

DONATELLO
Alright then. So, how does this thing work exactly?

DR. WHO
Oh, you know, wormholes and time currents and flux capicitors and all that.

DONATELLO
Huh?

DR. WHO
OK, look, I don't know how it works, it just does. Except now it's broken and we're stuck here in this smelly sewer and---OH MY GOD!

LEONARDO
What?!

DR. WHO
Behind you! There's a Weeping Angel! They've found us!

CUTE RED-HEADED COMPANION shrieks with fright

MICHELANGELO
Dude, a what?

DR. WHO
(indicating an angel statue that mysteriously appeared behind the TURTLES)
A Weeping Angel. They're beings that can only attack when no one is looking at them.

MICHELANGELO
Oh, like Boo from Mario Bros?

DR. WHO
Yes, yes, like Boo, but these are really scary!

RAPHAEL
So they don't move if someone's looking at them?

DR. WHO
(voice quivering)
Correct.

RAPHAEL
OK, then.

RAPHAEL walks behind the Weeping Angel statue while everyone watches. He picks up a sledge hammer that was leaning against the wall and smashes the statue to pieces.

RAPHAEL
Problem solved!

The TURTLES high five each other in a congratulatory manner.
CUTE RED-HEADED COMPANION gives another scream of fright and points to a doorway on the left side of the room. A DALEK waits in the doorway.

LEONARDO
What is that thing? A trash can?

DR. WHO
It's a Dalek. One of my most feared enemies. They're bent on only one thing: destruction of all life! It must have followed us here through the rip we left in the space/time continuum!

DONATELLO
What, like that movie Jumper?

DR. WHO
Who do you think stole the idea then went back in time and wrote the book?

DR. WHO indicates himself with two thumbs pointed at his chest. While DR. WHO is talking MICHELANGELO sneaks up behind the DALEK and throws a sheet over it.

DALEK
Beep boop bop beep!

MICHELANGELO tips the DALEK onto it's side.

DALEK
BOOP BEEP BEEP BOOP!


The DALEK begins sparking and smoke floats up from under the sheet as it makes a powering down noise.


DR. WHO
Oh, well... that was easy.


MICHELANGELO
It kinda looked like he'd have trouble getting up if I put him on his back. I know a thing or two about that being a turtle and all.


DR. WHO
Yes, well, thanks.


CUTE RED-HEADED COMPANION pokes DR. WHO in his side to get his attention then hands him a small cylindrical tool with a glowing light at the end.


DR. WHO
Of course! Why didn't I think of this sooner!


LEONARDO
What's that?


DR. WHO
It's my Sonic Screwdriver!


DONATELLO
Your what?


DR. WHO
Sonic Screwdriver. It's an amazing tool that can fix just about anything. Works great on plot hol--I mean technical time-travel stuff.


DR. WHO waves the Sonic Screwdriver like a magic wand at the T.A.R.D.I.S. and it glows slightly and hums or something.


DR. WHO
Well, that's fixed then. Thank you, turtles. We'll just be off now.


DONATELLO
Wait! Can you tell us anything about the future?


DR. WHO
I could, but what does it matter? I'm just going to go mess it up anyway. So long!


DR. WHO and CUTE RED-HEADED COMPANION climb back into the T.A.R.D.I.S. It begins to vibrate and maybe hum a little before it implodes in a flash of light, most likely.


MICHELANGELO
So... anybody want some more pizza?


All the TURTLES laugh and agree as they head back into the kitchen.


FADE TO BLACK


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There it is. I hope you enjoyed my script. I'll be starting a Kickstarter campaign to get production on this episode started real soon.

*I like to give credit where credit is due. This post was partly (but not entirely) inspired by this comic by Kate Beaton.

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