Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Day 6: Pizza Eating Contest

First a little about the picture. This is my interpretation of the Ninja Turtles having a pizza eating contest. Why? Well, why not? I figure Michelangelo's got this one locked down. I don't have a good reason why other than he's "a party dude" I guess. Raphael is coming up a little short and looking a little... green. (Ok, that was a pretty terrible pun, but I couldn't resist) Donatello on the left obviously isn't feeling too well either. Meanwhile Leonardo is puking into a bucket marked "Pizza Puke" in case you can't read it. I don't have a good reason for why I drew Leo puking except that I've never seen a Ninja Turtle vomit before and I thought it would be funny.

Now, onto the reason behind this picture. I have to tell you something that may shock you (I'm operating under the delusion that people I don't already know personally are reading this). It may be hard for some people to accept, but it is a fact. Are you ready?

I hate eating.

There. I said it. No take-backs. I really don't like to eat. I'm not a fan of food in general. If I could take a pill instead of eating I would. To me eating is largely a waste of time and money. How many more hours could I log on my Playstation if I didn't have to stop and eat? How much money could I save if I wasn't buying food constantly? All that time spent at the grocery store or in restaurants wasted. Now, I will admit that since I've been learning to cook I have a greater appreciation for food and how it can bring people happiness, but I'd still rather skip the whole thing.

The reason I bring this up is because my wife and several friends are doing a "Biggest Loser" type weight-loss challenge. It's more of a health thing than a weight thing, but either way they're dropping pounds. Why am I not participating you ask? (Just pretend you asked) Well I am, kind of. My goal is to gain as much weight as they lose. Sound ridiculous? Well it's not.

I'm a pretty small guy and I've always been small. I'm between 5'5" and 5'6" and as of yesterday I weigh 125 lbs. That is, as near as I can remember, the heaviest I've ever been. Nothing I do or eat seems to make much of a difference. A lot of people think, "That's not so bad, I'd love to have that problem!" Yeah, well, it's OK if you're a girl I guess. Guys aren't supposed to be tiny and frail.

Part of my problem is I rarely work out. I've been trying to lift weights more regularly and put on some muscle. The good thing about having near zero percent body fat is it takes almost no effort to start getting some definition. The other part of the equation is my eating habits. As I said I don't like to eat, so I rarely did. Most of the time I would skip breakfast because I'd rather have an extra 10 minutes of sleep. Some days I would skip lunch because I would be too lazy to make one and didn't want to spend the money eating out. I would eat dinner, but usually not a large portion. When you don't eat much it takes much less to fill your stomach. Going out to eat I would rarely finish my plate because restaurant portions are so huge. And just to be clear this is not me admitting I have anorexia even though I'm sure it sounds like it. I just have a very high metabolism and I don't like to eat.

So, that brings us back to the weight-gain challenge. In order to pack on pounds I have been trying to do two things: Work out (weight lifting, minimal cardio) and eat. A lot. So after stuffing my face last night at a Harry Potter movie party and forcing myself to eat breakfast this morning even though I really wasn't very hungry I was feeling a bit like Donatello as I tried to decide what to draw today.

I hope you enjoyed your peek into my subconscious today. Tomorrow should be something more... magical.


  1. How dare you besmirch Raph's name. He's awesome.

  2. PS, i figured out why my previous comment didn't go through. You have do enter a captcha before it goes through and I had already moved on when it came up.